There’s an old saying around these parts – give the gaming community a character and they’ll play for a bit, give them a character creation feature and they will immediately work out how to sully all that is good in the world. And sully they have, with the latest entry in the Soulcalibur series once again offering a ‘Create-a-Soul’ feature, with plenty of fighter customisation options – including the ability to take the apple, cylinder and heart objects and fashion them into a gigantic phallus.
Soulcalibur has offered character customisation options since the third entry in the series back in 2005 and for some reason they still think it’s a great idea. Mostly, the feature gets used to create avatars of existing pop culture characters; from your friendly neighbourhood Pepsiman to corporate clown Ronald McDonald (as compiled by Polygon). I think I also saw Demi Lardner post a Paul F. Tompkins character but this information is unconfirmed, as it was in an Instagram story and that shit is goonnnne.
Kotaku has also drawn attention to the solid work of player Abbock, who has been using a cheat program to create troll nightmare characters. From a large rainbow friend known only as The Cube to a skeleton hiding in a big ol’ apple, these characters are difficult to hit, as their opponents struggle to detect where the actual character is.
However, all these beautiful children have drawn criticism from some top Soulcalibur players. Gamesradar relayed Soulcalibur champion AvoidingThePuddle’s frustrations about the custom characters being included in ranked mode, as opposed to just being on the casual ladder. On a Twitch stream, AvoidingThePuddle articulated just how these custom characters mess with being able to predict and plan your attacks.
“Customized characters in this game are a false representation of the character that they are portraying,” AvoidingThePuddle says.
Basically, you can create unpredictable, indestructible, giant, rainbow dongs. What a wonderful world.